Free Essay

Advice for Lovers

In: Business and Management

Submitted By jmimi59
Words 1653
Pages 7
Running Head: LETTER of ADVICE

Advice for a New Couple
Jean VanDyke
COM: 200 Interpersonal Communication
Teresa Plummer
September 16, 2013

Dear Nora and Lou,
How to talk to an engaged couple
If they were real close friends and I knew that what I would say to them would make them listen and hear me, this is what I would tell them.
Identify the barriers to effective interpersonal interactions. If you do not talk about the things that are important to you at the beginning of your relationship, you will find yourself starting to resent the other person. Most people will just go along with what the other person wants to do or says until all at once they just explode. Then it is usually too late, and the words cannot be taken back. If you refuse to communicate or just keep quiet about what is bothering you, it will definitely hurt your lasting relationship. Playing games with each other is also not the way to go. If you are going to commit to each other, then by all means be only with that person. So many people will tell the person that they love them and only want to be with them, and then something happens that makes one or the other mad, and the next thing you know one or both of them are out with someone else. This is not the way to communicate. More than likely there will never be the trust they once had.
There are three reasons why there is trouble in any relationship:” (1) silence or refusing to communicate; (2) placating, which means to soothe or calm someone by being nice or by giving in to demands; and (3) playing games”. Any and all of these play a very important part in our interpersonal lives. In order to have an understanding of what is going on around us, people need to pay closer attention to what is going on around them. Chapter 9.1.
Assess their personal communications and improve their communication competencies.
If the person that is having a problem with the other person’s habit, dislikes, or religion, they should sit down and discuss this before they continue. They should see if they want to have children, how many, how to raise them, schools they will attend, and last but far from least, who is going to stay home with them? If they continue to ignore these problems while in the beginning of a relationship, the problem(s) will grow until they seek help or end the relationship. This is something that should be worked out long before they become really committed and decide to get married or even live together.
Recognize how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behavior, and perception.
Chapter 4.1 states that “words have the power to make you happy, comfort, calm you, and also hurt you”. Words can even cause a relationship to begin or end. For instance, you can find that by talking to a person whether they are telling you something you want to hear, or if they are telling you something they think you want to hear, or actually telling you how they really feel. (Lakoff, 2001, p.20). They sometimes have mixed meanings, which is called metamessage. In chapter 4.5 the best way to avoid confusion is to improve your vocabulary and to understand their meaning.
There are so many ways that words, actions, or body language can be misunderstood. For instance you might ask where are we going tonight, and he says probably just hanging out. Which could mean going to the bar, a ball game, or just sitting at home. So you put on old jeans or sweats thinking that you are just going to hang out, and you end up going out to dinner and a movie with some of his friends that are dressed really nice. Let’s be honest your looks and body language let him know that you are very upset. He just laughs it off. Then when you get back home you both are in a very bad mood. You want to discuss what happened and he just wants to go to bed. Now it is not a good idea to go to bed angry, so you try to talk with him and he just utters yes dear, anything you say dear, and then the final one which seems to calm you is “you are so right, I should have told you where we were going. So as you can see words have a whole lot of power.
Define emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationship.
In chapter 2.3 “it says that it is a set of skills that can be learned. We can improve them by increasing our emotional issues and improving our ability to identify, assess, and manage our feelings”.
This is where we need to assert our reasoning, of people skills, emotional, listening, effective, and communicating skills. What this means is that we as a person going in to a relationship should listen with our mind, eyes, and ears to what is being said around us. If we do not listen to what the other person is saying, how do you expect to know what is going on in his world? Being emotional at certain times is alright as long as you do not turn on the water works every time you want him to do things your way. If you have good people skills, you can pretty much get things done in a way that will not alienate him or his friends. As for communicating skills, this goes towards your ethics as well as his. If you cannot be upfront and honest with him then how do you expect him to be upfront and honest with you? In a relationship if two people are not honest with each other than what good does it to do to be any relationship?
According to pro quest on emotional intelligence and relationships “The role of emotional intelligence (EI) in various domains has been supported through scientific studies and contemporary psychologists have started to promote this concept for better quality of life (Geher & Renstrom, 2004). Researchers working on issues like marital adjustment, conflict resolution, and domestic violence have recently renewed their interest in the role of EI in marital relationship. The review of studies conducted in west suggests that EI holds moderate to high predictive validity for concurrent marital adjustment. Some components of EI (e.g., optimism, empathy, emotional expressiveness, emotional self-awareness, and impulse control) appear to possess greater importance in couples' relationship. Researches done in Pakistan suggest that there is a dire need to investigate the role of emotional intelligence in healthy marriages”. If this is what the Pakistan feels can you just imagine how the rest of the world needs to investigate what is happening in other marriages and relationships?

Evaluate appropriate levels of self-disclosure in relationships. There comes a time when you feel that you have known this person long enough and really want to commit. So, you decide to confide in him some of your most personal feelings. You go out to dinner and let him know that you really like him, and have some things that you would like to tell him after you get home. He is interested in hearing what you have to say, but you tell him that right now is not the time as it is too personal. By this time he should be as far into the relationship as you are or you are going to feel like a fool for telling him all about your past and your feelings for him. Giving you this information on advice was almost like a Dear Abby, but take it from a person that has been there more than once. Once it is out there you can never take it back, just like all the hurtful words that was spoken when you are angry. So my last advice to you both is, make sure you really want to be together for the rest of your lives before you commit to a relationship that could never be. Love is one of the dearest forms of relationship there is which in the long run leads to marriage and life ever after. As an afterthought just remember one thing. When you get married, you are marring each other not the other person’s family. Have a wonderful, happy, and long life together.

The appropriate time to disclose very private and intimate information is after you have known the person for a long time and have finally realized that you can thrust them. Usually by this time all of the persons involved have either told you something or by their actions have given you reason to confide in them your most private thoughts. You also, need to make sure that what you tell is the appropriate time and place. (Chapter 7.5).
“Self-disclosure is an act of intimacy and serves as a maintenance strategy, and yet very little prior research has examined self-disclosure within relationships with data collected multiple times over an extended period of time and from both partners. With one data collected from both partners in young adult dating couples, we examined how self-disclosure is associated with both individual. Overall, men and women indicated a similar high level of self-disclosure. As hypothesized, positive associations were found between self-disclosure and the individual characteristics of self-esteem, relationship esteem (confidence as an intimate partner), and responsiveness (as indicated by data collected at Time 1). Self-disclosure also was positively associated with relationship quality (satisfaction, love, and commitment)”.

References:
People who have good interpersonal skills are expert communicators. By Sole, K San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. Retrieved from http://content.ashford.edu.
Retrieved from the ProQuest database found in the Ashford Online Library…...

Similar Documents

Free Essay

Advice

...Legal Advice December 2, 2012 More and more companies are taking that next step to becoming green and helping the environment prosper more and more. As a society we have come to realize that we cannot live the way we have lived the last century or for that matter decade. The travel industry is beginning to do their part by designing and using alternative fuel in the cars and trucks that we use on a daily basis. Boeing in conjunction with several different companies and countries is coming up with alternative fuel to be use in many of their planes they are developing. In the last several years, Boeing has begun to do research and test alternative fuel in some of the planes that they make and use. Along with these planes, they have also partnered up with the military to use the fuel and see how it affects the environment in military equipment. Their goal in doing all of this and coming out with an alternative fuel for planes, is to reduce the gas emissions that we saw in 2005 by 50% in 2050. (Airbus, Boeing, Embraer join hands on green jet fuel initiative, (2012, March 22)) With any new potential product that the consumer may or may not see, the company must be able to comply with different rules and regulations in that particular industry. Boeing released several recommendations to the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) to accelerate the commercial viability and deployment of aviation biofuels. (Millikin, Mike. (January 2012)) By doing this,...

Words: 1429 - Pages: 6

Free Essay

Letter of Advice

...Dear Mike and Jasmine, Congratulations on your new engagement. Your mom and I had a conversation the other day and she said that your were looking for some advice on your relationship. She stated that you and Mike are having a difficult time in the communication area. I am taking an interpersonal communication class through Ashford University this semester and wanted to see if I could possibly shed some light on what I have learned in this class about communication. The key to a healthy marriage and relationship is communication. Now I may not be the right person to give you some advice on how the two of you could improve your relationship by communicating better. But I have a few tips on things the both of you can do to improve your interpersonal communicational skills. First learning how to recognize how self-concept and defensive and supportive messages and behaviors create positive and negative communication climates. Communication is the most important key in developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. This is one of the reasons it is important to know the main principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communication. Communication is how we begun to know each other and even though we think we know someone, when we are taking the next step into a permanent relationship can be very stressful. As a couple, it is most important to be able to stay connected with each other. People have desires to be able to connect, participate, and share with......

Words: 612 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

Country Lovers

...Country Lovers ENG 125: Introduction to Literature Shatara Williams Instructor: January Pearson May 27, 2013 COUNTRY LOVERS Nadine Gordimer wrote Country Lovers in 1975. This story is about a prohibited relationship between an African American girl and a Caucasian boy on a South African farm. (Clugston, 2010) Years ago a relationship between two people of the opposite ethnic group was frowned upon. I am going to explain why this story caught my interest, explain the reader response method, and I plan to assess the story I chose using the reader response method. I chose Country Lovers by Nadine Gordimer because I love romance and mystery stories that are full of suspense and drama. Country Lovers is one of those short stories that have romance, suspense, and drama. Thebedi and Paulus are the main characters in this story. Thebedi and Paulus grew up together on Paulus father farm. (Gordimer, 1975) Thebedi and Paulus were childhood friends who flirtation leads to them to have a sexual relationship. (Gordimer, 1975) This story is full of suspense, drama, and romance. Thebedi had gotten pregnant from Paulus but she never told him. (Gordimer, 1975) She married another man he was a member of her tribe in South Africa. (Gordimer, 1975)When Paulus returned, he found out that she had married another man and had a baby. (Gordimer, 1975) The baby that Thebedi gave birth too was Paulus baby. (Gordimer, 1975) Paulus did not know that Thebedi daughter was his.......

Words: 722 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

Letter of Advice

...Final Paper: Letter of Advice COM 200 Interpersonal Communications Instructor: Joan Golding June 17. 2013 Letter of Advice Dear Kathy and Mark, Let me start by saying congratulations on your upcoming wedding and thank you for having the confidence in me to ask for my advice on interpersonal communications. Marriage is one of the biggest steps you will make in your life; committing yourselves to each other will not always be an easy road but one well worth the time to build together. Let me start you with a bit of information out of my text book from my course that I am taking, as Kathy Sole discusses “Communication is not simply the exchange of words and information; it is the means through which we share knowledge, thoughts, ideas, and feelings with other people” (Sole, 2011). You need to understand the principles and misconceptions of effective communication to make it work. It has been my experience after 33 years of marriage that we must all realize the power that words have and how the effect our attitude and also how we perceive what is being said between each other. Always try to choose what you say to each other carefully, even when not happy about something, with care because words can hurt. Negative......

Words: 697 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

Statement of Advice

...Statement of Advice prepared for Mr Brian and Mrs Leanne on 17 August 2013 Prepared by 1. Introduction 1.1 The Scope of Advice It is my pleasure here to meet with you to talk about your financial planning issues. Specifically, the listed issues may be of great importance to you: You are new insurance product buyers who are about to review your financial portfolio after a relative was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. You intend to meet your financial target in case there is a serious disease. It would be better if you get the knowledge that our service is proportional: all products may face its own limitation to some degree. All the advices we provide here root from the data you gave to us and they solely have connection with the above field. The recommendation we provide here does not consider every aspect of your specific situations: Business Expense Insurance Superannuation Debt Management Wealth Creation General Insurance Estate Planning In case you may need advice on these issues or something else which may be related to your personal experience, it is recommended that you should ask for further suggestions since these items are not covered within this contract. 2.2 Limited Information Warning If the information and profile data you gave us has any inaccuracies or fragmentary information, the risk induced may disturb your financial objective. 2.3 The Next Step * You should ensure you read, and understand our advice before......

Words: 1018 - Pages: 5

Free Essay

Renting Advice

...A few tips from FOCUS A few tips from FOCUS Renting Advice: Normal Living Rules: Some limitations which were agreed to before moving in 2 weeks formal written notice if you are moving Curfew for noise when living with a number of people If a homestay, eating with the family and letting them know when you will be home is polite and appropriate Unacceptable Living Rules: Limited access to electricity Unreasonable access to bathroom <30 minutes and laundry < once a week Limited access to food and water It’s definitely not acceptable if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable REMEMBER: **Between you and your landlord, you need to have a written agreement** Transport www.131500.com.au Advice services: http://www.international.mq.edu.au International Student Advisers: e-mail iss@mq.edu.au Counselling and Health: UCHS, Lincoln Building, level 2 Career Services: Lincoln Building, level 2 Study Skills Support Unit: more info on uni website FOCUS contacts: Email: Info@focusmacuni.org Website: www.focusmacuni.org Australian Slang Definitions: G’day Mate - HelloRidgy Didge - RealBudgy Smugglers - Swimming suit Fair Dinkum -Are you sure?Sheila - Real Banana Bender - A person from QLDBloke - ManAnkle Biter - ChildArvo - AfternoonAmbo - AmbulanceBack of Bourke ...

Words: 277 - Pages: 2

Premium Essay

Advice

...Letter of Advice Brian Smith Com 200 Interpersonal Communication Instructor Bianco Marino January 12 2014 Dear Melissa and Tom , Let me first say congratulations on your recent engagement. It is an honor that you both would like advice on how to effectively communicate in your relationship. In taking an interpersonal communication course, I have learned several concepts that I would like to share with you throughout this letter. Communication is important in developing and maintaining relationships. We communicate every day and learning how to effectively do so will strengthen your relationships both personally and professionally. We begin communicating from the time we are born. As we mature so does our ability to communicate. Although communication can be difficult, understanding how communication works, and the multiple uses of verbal and non verbal expressions is key factor when it comes to successful communication. The ability listen, control your emotions and understand misconceptions are also another important factor in communication as well to make improvements to increase the relationship between both partners. While communication has been defined as an exchange of words between two or more people understanding that communication is more then that will give you a better insight on how to communicate.  As Kathy Sole (2011) discusses “Communication is not simply the exchange of words and......

Words: 616 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

Food Lovers

... | | | INSTRUCTIONS • You are required to answer all the questions. • Clearly identify the legislation, which is applicable to your answer, as well as the specific sections in the legislation. • You solution to the questions should be well researched, holistic and objective • CRITERIA: To assess whether you can: • Understand and can apply the legislation • Research and read broadly in the subject matter • Correctly identify and assess the impact of legislation on the organization • Correctly identify issues • Provide the correct legal advice to the situation • Preparations is thorough and issues are well documented • Clear reasoning is demonstrated • Language and appropriate level 1. How many hours per week can my employer compel me to work without paying me overtime? 2. When should overtime be paid and against what formula? 3. Must I work overtime when my company does a stock take? 4. Is it compulsory to have a written contract of service? 5. If I am threatened or forced by my employer to sign documents or perform a "not job related" task, what are my rights? 6. My gardener did not want to sign a contract with me. He/She also cannot write or even read properly. What must I do regarding an attendance......

Words: 2354 - Pages: 10

Premium Essay

Marriage Advice

...Running Head: Marriage Advice Marriage Advice Carla Conley Interpersonal Communication (GSL1220C) Laticia Dezell June 17, 2012 Marriage Advice Carla Conley Interpersonal Communication (GSL1220C) Instructor Laticia Dezell June 17, 2012 Advice to Sally and Robert: Dear Sally and Robert: I would like to take the time to tell you how much I am glad to share five basic points involving interpersonal communication. Before I continue I would like to congratulate the both of you on your engagement. I hope your engagement will lead into a long healthy marriage along with communication. The most important part is interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication is a social process which has three primary purposes. They are to meet personal needs, to learn about ourselves, other people and world, and to build and maintain relationships with others Sole, K. (2011). Remember you will need to use these to communicate with the world and all communication channels along with good behavior. Develop Strategies for Active, Critical, and Empathic Listening Sally and Robert one of the keys to having a long healthy relationship is being able to be an effective listener. Listening is one of the most important skills we can acquire. You want to be able to understand what each other is saying, respond appropriately to what your partner is saying, and provide helpful feedback. In addition, to practice active listening, try...

Words: 1779 - Pages: 8

Free Essay

Country Lovers

...The literary work I chose was Country Lovers by Nadine Gordimer. Her story intrigued me from the beginning, as it is a story about forbidden love in South Africa. You immediately know that the story will be about an interracial relationship between Thebedi-a young black woman and Paulus-her white master’s son. The tone reflected in this work is deep, the author is able to “evoke a sense of compassion for the characters, who are enmeshed in circumstances of their own creation” (McLeod, 2004). Because Nadine Gordimer grew up in South Africa, she has a main theme in her writing dealing with attitudes of racial relationships since she strongly opposed apartheid causing her work to have a greater meaning (Clugston, 2010). Thebedi and Paulus have a childhood relationship that gradually grows into a secret sexual relationship and eventually the birth of a forbidden child. I will review how the author uses image, simile, and imagination in her work which causes the story to be so intriguing. As well as review the story using a formalist approach to show the intent of the writer and the significance of the work. Imagination is “the human power that shapes artistic expression” and “enables a writer’s work to become an expression of meaning” (Clugston, 2010). While they were secretly spending time together, the author describes the feeling of Paulus vividly, “The schoolgirls he went swimming with at dams or pools on neighbouring farms wore bikinis but the sight of their dazzling......

Words: 867 - Pages: 4

Free Essay

Uncommon Lover

...uncommon lover I have never seen someone boil your parts in milk like Grandma does. She brings you to life on the churches day, undressing your parts at the break of dawn and adding cheese and milk to plump your skin. I scurry out of bed to witness the art show. Accent, salt, Adobo, you beautiful beast! I watch her turn, and turn, and turn, and turn you on your side, some would call you the color of citrus but to me you are love in its purest shade. My very own Picasso finds herself half way through her masterpiece, dumping parmesan unapologetically all over you, and in the blazing vessel you enter. I can’t help but to take a peak, eyes bulging and mouth salivating. I open the door and see your cheddar bubbling And parmesan browning. I LOVE YOU! You will soon be in my belly and the thought alone excites me. Grandma: “SHUT THAT!” Oh no! I’ve been caught observing your metamorphosis from Prince to King. 20 Minutes 10 Minutes 5 Minutes Ding! The time has come for our marriage, When beauty meets its depowering, beast. I swing open the door to the blazed dungeon and smile at my Romeo: Golden brown surface, bubbling cheese avenues between plump, soft noodles. I summon my miniature pitchfork and begin to destroy you. Stabbing your organs and consuming them shamelessly, my mouth is enflamed but I can’t stop. Stab, eat, repeat. Stab, eat, repeat. My mouth is numb. I awaken abruptly in a pool of perspiration to none......

Words: 285 - Pages: 2

Premium Essay

The Golden Advice

...Golden Advice Essay #4 617 The Golden Advice A typical message for all high school students would be, “You better start getting ready for college!” The fact of the matter is, not all high school students know how to get ready for college. Many people get to where they think they`ve always wanted to go, but ended up not liking where they are when it`s too late. College is somewhere you`re going to be spending the next four years of your life, or maybe more, so you want to make sure you`ve put legitimate thought into where you want to go. Every college student has different advice for high school students. Mine to you is start getting a study habit, think about the location of where you want to go to school, and then think about how much it`s going to cost for you to go to the school you`re interested in. For starters, get into a good study habit. Most high schools don`t require near as much studying than what is required for college. Simply put, college is a totally different lifestyle. You`re on your own and you don’t have anyone telling you to study, so you have to make sure you stay on top of everything. Classes are more difficult, test are more difficult, homework is more difficult, the list goes on. Most students get to college and get completely overwhelmed with how much they actually have to study. If you get into a good study habit now, you`ll be much better off and won`t be overwhelmed. That would be my first and probably most important piece of advice to......

Words: 627 - Pages: 3

Free Essay

The Tempest and the Lovers

...Stephano, and so on they are all unlikely candidates for Miranda. They are unlikely for a variety of reasons for one some of them are just simply too old, and well Stephano is just a drunk. However this is not the prime reason why Ferdinand is the only suitor ideal for Miranda. All of the other characters in the play have massive flaws and no one is not near as pure or perfect for each other as Ferdinand and Miranda. I also have another theory on why Ferdinand and Miranda have to fall in love. It seems to be that love between two individuals of sworn groups of enemies may be a typical Shakespearian theme. For another example of this we not look further than the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. In that particular play we are told of two lovers, of innocence and youth that are constantly surrounded by conflict and conspiracy. In the tempest we see similar motifs and theme, Ferdinand and Miranada both come from two families that are enemies since Prospero was over thrown by Alonso. As well while on the island we bear witness to conspiracy to kill both Prospero and Alonso. But Ferdinand and Miranda seem to take very little interest in all of this plotting and are only interested in one another. We can see how both plays are very similar in nature through these characteristics. As well because we have this example of innocence and youth in another one of Shakespeare’s plays, we can see how it need again apply here. Due to both of these facts we can see how Ferdinand and......

Words: 1385 - Pages: 6

Free Essay

Legal Advice

...Running head: Legal Advice Assignment 2: Legal Advice Professor Edward Pedrero LEG 100 1 March 2012 Describe the company and the major initiative(s) they have planned for the next 5 years. Johnson & Johnson, a fortune 500 company, is an American multinational pharmaceutical, medical device, and consumer packaged goods manufacture. The headquarters are located in New Brunswick, NJ. They are currently the sixth-largest consumer health company, and the world fifth-largest biologic company. Johnson & Johnson claims the title of the world’s largest and most diverse of medical devices and Diagnostics Company. This company is notorious for running many initiatives in the hopes of helping others and their well beings. For example, in September 2011 J&J announced the launch of every mother, every child, a comprehensive, five year, private-sector effort to improve the health of woman and children in developing countries. It’s an initiative which supports the United Nations’ April 2010 call for a renewed effort to achieve the Millennium Development Goals of reducing morality in woman and children by 2015. There are four main programs to achieve the goal, which are mobile health for mothers, intestinal worms in children, R&D innovations, and Safe Birth Programs. "Every Woman, Every Child has shown what can be achieved through close cooperation between the UN, governments, and the private sector," said United Nations Secretary General Ban......

Words: 1140 - Pages: 5

Free Essay

Country Lovers

...COUNTRY LOVERS Judy Stewart Instructor Michelle Class: Literature 04-25-2012 It is funny how a piece of Literature can bring back so many memories. It is like re-living a certain time in your life all over again. Although each and every one of us lives different experiences and lifestyles, there is always going to be a story, poem or book that you come across that will reveal a time or a moment that is brought back to life. That is the beautiful art of literature, reading something that makes you experience all your emotions. That is what the story Country Lover’s by Nadine Gordimer does for me. It is a short story about the unfairness of one’s color and a forbidden love because the color of one’s skin. What I know for sure is that love comes in every color and sizes, while we are not able to control the power of love, why should it be forbidden? It was for Thebedi in the story Country Lover’s she was a black woman who fell in love with the Master’s son Paul us. He knew he loved her the moment they were together as it was not the same as with other girls.” This time it was so lovely, so lovely, he was surprised….and she was surprised by it, too-he could see in her dark face that was part of the shade, with her big dark eyes, shiny as soft water, watching him attentively: as she had when they used to huddle over their teams of mud oxen, as she had when he told her about detention weekends at school.” (As cited in clugston, 2010) Not only was the moment they had......

Words: 1044 - Pages: 5

Russische / kyrillische Tastaturaufkleber transparent in verschiedenen Farben | Fantastic Round Cast Iron Victorian Style Grill Air Vent Cover Cb5 | Button, Navigation Bars