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Self Esteem

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Self esteem

We all at some point in our lives come across a situation where we may think that there is no end to this misery, no way out, where every thing seems to stop and we have a feeling that we are falling into infinity; we keep falling and falling and expecting that at some time we will hit rock bottom but that never happens. The rock bottom doesn’t appear, we get no closure and what hurts the most is the thought that are we ever going to come out of this pit? Are we ever going to hit rock bottom and stop deteriorating?

What’s most challenging about this situation is not the fact that we are in mental, physical, financial or emotional agony but the fact that the fire that kept burning inside of us, which kept giving a light of hope, that zest we had; slowly dies out. We loose confidence and self esteem. Now that’s going to hurt a lot because if we accept that this is what we deserve and no matter how hard we try, no matter if we bet our lives on it; we will never get out of it then our self esteem is shattered and its broken pieces are scattered.

Now how do we start building self-esteem from scratch? How do we convince ourselves that there’s still a way out? Well, there’s this old story, which goes like this: -
A guy wanted to be very successful and so he went to his guru, his mentor and told him that I want to be successful. I want to be famous, rich and appreciated. I want my self-esteem. I want to achieve this goal more than anything else. The guru said-“Well if you want to succeed than meet me tomorrow morning sharp at 5 on the beach. So the guy comes next morning, all full with energy and enthusiasm. The guru then tells him to walk into the ocean. The guy walks and walks and when he waist deep in water he turns around to see, the guru told him to keep going ahead. The guy is now neck deep in water but the guru still tells him to go. Finally the guy is on the verge of drowning and he’s gasping for breath, right then the guru comes and pushes him into deeper water. The guy is about to drown and die and suddenly the guru pulled him out. And he looked at the guy angrily and shouted, “What is it you want the most right now?” The guy in a muffled voice said that he wants to live, he wants to breathe and he doesn’t want to die. The guru shouted again “ But you told me that for you the most important thing is to be successful and now you are choosing breath over success?” The boy had no answer. The guru then told him that when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, as bad as you want to live then come to me.
Most of us want to be successful, but we are not ready for it. We just kind of want it and we also want to party, hang out, meet friends and socialize. This will not do it. Unless you want success as bad as you want to breathe, things won’t change. Then becoming successful becomes a natural process like breathing. You don’t dink about it; you just do it. And when you have that feeling of never giving up no matter what, you develop a proud feeling inside of you and that felling my friend is self-esteem. Now let me make it clear that self-esteem is different from ego. Ego is a negative force; it stops you from taking help and giving help. Self-esteem on the contrary will motivate you to share and be happy about it, it will inspire you to chase your dreams and in the process of chasing your dreams, it will inspire you to help others develop the same feeling, the same self self-esteem.

Now there’s no short cut to build self-esteem. You just have to struggle and keep telling yourself that your hard work will pay because the moment you start taking short cuts to success, you will develop ego. And my friends ego is easily shattered but self-esteem endures even in the most adverse situations.
Think about all your failures so far, take a deep breath and do a little of self-introspection. You will, if you think hard, realize that all your failures occurred because you gave up at some point. Maybe you saw the question paper and said to yourself that it is too difficult, maybe you said that I am not cut out for such fierce competition, maybe you said that that guy leads me by half a lap and I can’t win this race. All this is a part of giving up. Once you build a rock solid self esteem, trust me, you will say to yourself that the exam is not over unless the invigilator snatches my answer sheet, I’ll fight till the last minute. You will think that as long as I don’t faint, I will keep running and chasing.
But in spite of all this you might fail, what then?

Well, then you say to yourself that I am too good to let this go. Your self-esteem will come in between your desire to give and your dream to achieve. It will protect you from giving up. It will be a shield for you. And when you try the next time, trust me on this; you will do better.

And what happens if you don’t have a rock solid, iron hard self-esteem. Well, then the desire to give up overcomes and you go and sit beside the tracks like other loser spectators and watch others compete. You don’t want to be that, you know that, but to not be that needs a lot of heart and self-esteem.

Take any success story, I bet you can’t find it without struggle and the will to still keep going on.

“Greatness is not this wonderful, esoteric, elusive, godlike feature that only the special among us will ever taste. It’s something that truly exists in all of us.”- Will Smith.
This last quote sums it all. Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. You cannot outperform your level of self-esteem. You cannot draw to yourselves more than you think you are worth.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.…...

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